Deafer & Deafer

    I am growing deafer & deafer.  It is hard for me to hear people -- even when they are speaking directly to me.
    But I realize I am in an ideal situation: I listen to dead people & talk to people who aren’t there.
    I truly listen to dead people.  I hear them talking and I never have trouble hearing what they say.  And if they bore me, I skim, or just put them, the book, away.
    I have a great time with dead people -- or people who are still alive but write their words down.  I am an avid reader.  I want to hear from the world out there.  But I can’t hear well, so I listen to dead people.
    And I talk to people who are not in the same room as I am -- I talk passionately to all of you.  You can hear me clearly -- and you are unable to interrupt me.
    I must admit that such a situation is wonderful.  I really am not good at developing my thoughts in a back & forth discussion.  I hear what others say, dig into my mind, find something I can contribute to the conversation and then we move on.
    I need time to figure out what I think.  I simply am a lousy talker.  One musician said I play an instrument because I don’t want to talk.  I write radio talks because I am no good at talking -- at thinking on the fly, being witty on the spur of the moment.
    I listen to dead people, talk to people who are not there.  Of course my social life sucks and I am far from totally pleased.  I used to love to draw people out, hear what they had to say, how their lives had developed -- and I asked them what they were currently passionate about.
    But I don’t ask any more.  If I ask, they answer, I can’t hear, and I find myself in the midst of an embarrassing situation.  Could you say that again please?  I say.  I am sorry, but I’m not sure I heard correctly.  Did you say. -- and then I explain what I think I heard, which is almost always a garbled mess, an almost total misunderstanding.
    I love to listen to dead people, to people who have written words down.  I never have trouble hearing what they say.  I may have trouble understanding, but it is so easy to pause, to back up, to read again.  I love the printed word. 
    And I also love to talk to people who are not there -- you listeners, the silent many whose silence is filled with my words as I struggle hard to formulate my thoughts.